Politics and Poetry in Ben Lerner's Madrid

Reflections on Leaving the Atocha Station

“Literature reflects politics more than it affects it, an important distinction”- Ben Lerner, Leaving the Atocha Station.

I finished Leaving The Atocha Station by Ben Lerner this morning, a book he wrote while in Spain on a Fulbright. The book is 180 pages of poetic prose, ruminating on Lerner’s experience as an American poet adrift in Madrid.

He has two lovers, Teresa and Isabel, who each seem to have the upper hand in their relationship. He’s forged friendships with a few locals, but none that seem like they will last beyond his brief stay, and he struggles with his inverted desires and often feels disgusted with himself for his clumsy interactions. One of the most memorable being when he makes a dishonest confession to a potential lover that his mother recently passed away, and then continues to cry in her arms, garnering her sympathy and affection. Yes, this is a lie which not only does he feel guilty about, he has superstitions that it will curse his family.

He’s taken on smoking as a social tool, which helps him relate to the physical world, and has developed a crippling hash addiction that fuels his identity and gives him a reason to communicate with the locals and foreign drug dealers. “A spliff was an indispensable technology, a substitute for speech in social situations, a way to occupy the mouth and hands when alone, a deep breathing technique that rendered exhalation material, a way to measure and/or pass the time… A way to approach or depart from a group of people or a topic, enter or exit a room, conjoin or punctuate a sentence…”

The book asks very large questions, including what the meaning of literature is and what purpose it serves historically. What art means to society in general, from the great paintings made by Picasso to the guards who stand idly in their presence all day long.

The book covers his brief time in a historical place [Madrid] and how that deepened his understanding of himself. How the foreign country made him more aware of who he is and the actions he takes to refine that person. Without realizing it, he slowly becomes fluent in the language and starts to think, feel and communicate in Spanish, without having to translate the words in his head first. How does this impact who he is? As he speaks a foreign language in a foreign culture he begins to fear that the life he is living may not in fact be his, but just an identity he is borrowing. “This is wonderful, the life I lead here, no matter if it's mine.”

During the trip he witnesses a historical event; a terrorist attack right down the block from where he’s staying, an explosion that left 200 people dead. Will that event wind up defining his time in Spain? Where will it exist in his memory? An event that’s part of the public consciousness but also experienced by the individual. This happens the night after he takes a date out to the famous Michelin-starred restaurant, Zalacaín. A meal which shocked his system and nearly made him deathly ill.

What details and which people will make a lasting impression as we progress through life? Will we ever think of this time in our lives again? The minutiae, the daily activities, the longings and desires, the personal disagreements, insecurities and rationale we go through every day are often lost to time. Will these moments just dissolve into the ocean of consciousness or will we keep them and learn from them as we move through life?

By writing these feelings and events down do we change anything about the world? By letting someone else see how we existed in a historical time? Does that make the time more real for future generations? Does the past exist to anyone in any way other than a mere idea?

In order to deal with the anxiety of his multiple lovers, his struggle to acknowledge his identity as an important poet, and his unclear financial future, he resorts to taking tranquilizers throughout the day, on top of his diet of hash and alcohol. Was this a political decision or was it personal?

Lerner wrestles with the incongruities of both worlds. He must exist as an artist and as a man, and as these entities, does he have a type of political responsibility to the world at large? Can this be expressed through his work or is it also a reflection of how he lives his life, his interpersonal relationships and substances he chooses to consume.

Lerner expresses these sensitivities through his poetry, which he recites at prestigious readings and is recognized for his ability, yet never secure in his standing as a public intellectual. He nearly has an anxiety attack when he’s asked to give an answer on a panel because he believes he will be exposed as a fraud. Perhaps this self-consciousness is what makes certain writers relatable to the masses.

But what makes the book powerful is its understated vision and lack of grandiosity. It is a book about the personal, which happens to take place at a moment in time when important political movements are happening. Lerner does not dwell on whether he is on the left or right, fascist or socialist, but just how to interpret his own thoughts and feelings, and engage meaningfully with the people in his life, at home and abroad.